Those things

You remember those things, my love. The day we met, you were laughing.. I remember your laughter until this moment. We were on that trip organized by the college to Marsa Matrouh, and we had just arrived and started unpacking our bags in the camp they had chosen for us to stay in, when I heard your laugh for the first time. I was carrying my heavy bag that I filled with books that I would spend days with. The journey in reading it, and I was climbing the stairs to the upper floor where the young men would be staying, when I suddenly slipped my feet and fell, causing everything that was in the bag to scatter on the stairs, while I started rolling like a mobile down the stairs until I ended up at your feet.. Then you laughed.. I remember that laugh until now.. I remember how it came out of your beautiful mouth, pure and strong, carrying joy and fun that I had never had in my entire life.. A laugh that melted the pain of my fall and my embarrassment, and pushed me to laugh with you before your face lit up with shame and you quickly walked away.. And I kept laughing.. Even as I was collecting my dignity and my belongings from the stairs, I started laughing.. And from afar I heard your laughter leaking from your mouth again before you dissolved into the crowd to disappear from my sight as if you were a dream that had ended.. That night I went up to my room and I I smiled and my smile did not leave me even in my sleep.. And the next morning I decided that this trip had one purpose that I would not give up on.. To find you.. To fall down the stairs of the whole world to hear that laugh again.. To have this laugh and repeat it with you. .. To fill my ears and my soul with it.. To live and die while it fills everything around me.. Oh God.. Your laughter is the one that started everything.. And it is the one that led us to the end! You remember those things, my love.. How we met for the second time to see you among the girls having fun.. How she spent a moment in front of you until you turned to me and smiled.. How your face became ashamed again.. I remember how you walked away without uttering a single word.. That day we went to the beach Love, where the slippery rocks of the beach waited for us with a thousand promises that we would put our necks down on them today, but we did not care.. The sun gave us energy.. The winds saturated with the smell of the sea intoxicated us, and the clear blue sea called to us, so we hurried to answer the call.. and we began to slide.. Not a minute passed without it slipping. One of us was on the rocks to fly in the air for a moment, before falling on the hard rocks to make everyone laugh, but you did not laugh. Just when my turn came and my body flew to fall on the rocks, your pure laughter rose to fill the universe around us. I did not feel the pain of the fall, but rather I began to laugh with you without an ounce of remorse or pain. Even when blood began to bleed from the wound in my arm, I felt nothing but an overwhelming desire to laugh, so I began to laugh. I laughed and I laughed and I laughed.. And once again your face became ashamed and then I walked away.. I walked away and the sun grew cold and the winds died down and the sea rose up.. I walked away and I felt lonely and everyone was having fun around me. I walked away and my laughter died on my lips and the fun disappeared from me.. Do you remember, my love? ? That day, I searched for you for a long time until I finally found you near the huge rock on the beach. You were there sitting alone, and I did not feel myself turning to you to sit next to you in silence, without my eyes daring to look into your eyes. But you, my beloved, extended your fingertips to touch mine. Then she smiled encouragingly, so I said to you without realizing it: I love you. She laughed again. This time I did not laugh, but my ears turned red with embarrassment, so you said to me: You do not know me...so how can you love me? I did not answer.. I just looked into your eyes and knew the answer without saying it.. I love you.. I was born to love you.. I live to love you.. and I will die to love you.. Then your face lit up, and I said: It's okay.. I believe you.. Then I looked at the sea without To leave your fingertips.. I don’t know who started the conversation or how we ended, but the sea remembers.. Night fell upon us and at the end of the day we returned to the camp, our fingers intertwined and whispers echoing around us.. but you, my love, did not pay attention to it.. You became mine and I became yours.. Those things could not have separated us.. And they did not.. Your laugh did! Do you remember, my love, how the years passed us by? The school days ended and the days of trouble began. You became a man and you became my woman. Years passed and then it ended with my ring surrounding your finger and your laughter filling my house. You were mine and you became my wife. I used to go to work to count the hours so that I return to you, to find you waiting for me.. for me.. for me alone.. and I was yours.. Years passed in which we saw joy, sadness, hope, misery, comfort, and trouble, but those things did not take anything away from your laughter.. and your laughter gave me Everything I needed and more..

It was your laugh that took everything from me..

You remember, my love, how it happened.. How you began to change.. You became distracted, you became.. confused, you were.. always sad.. Something changed, I didn't know it, but I felt it.. Your laugh no longer melted my worries.. Your smile no longer filled my day.. You were no longer alone for me.. Something changed, which I did not know, but I was sure of its existence.. Then when I found the letters, I knew what it was. .. Did you know who he was? You remember, my love, how shocked I was... You remember that I wanted not to believe, but you did not give me a choice... The speech was clear and frank, like an endless nightmare... And you hid everything from me... There was him... He, this other whom you gave yourself... He The one who appeared in your life and you were no longer mine alone... He is the one who sent you saying (Your laugh gives me hope)!! That's why I no longer see you laughing... You were saving your laughter for him... for him alone... You remember, my love, my revolution... my shock... my panic and my anger... those things that I never thought would creep into our lives, to become our lives... those things Which has become a reality that haunts my soul relentlessly. You remember that I confronted you. You remember that I asked you for the truth and you answered me with your laugh, but it was not the laugh that my ears had been waiting for for so long. It was another laugh. sarcastic. harsh. stubborn. Then you told me. You want the end.. our end.. You are no longer mine, so you said, and this is how things became between us..

You became his.. his alone.

Your laugh announced that it was the end and announced betrayal..

Your laugh What brought us together is what ended everything that was between us..

You remember, my love, that I could not control myself after that.. It was no longer me who did actions, but rather my revolution.. I was no longer the one who thought, but my anger.. You remember my fingers pounced on your neck to silence you. Your laugh.. shuts you up.. kills you.. You remember my fingers that carved death into your neck and you remember my panic after that.. You remember how I started calling for you and you did not answer me.. You remember how I cried over your corpse and you did not wipe away my tears with your fingertips.. You remember that I killed you! Those things... things that I could not have known except with your death, and I knew... things that if I had known, what happened would not have happened... those are the things that we do not know until it is too late... you were dying... and (he) was the one treating you. Your laugh gave him hope that he would cure you, so you hid the matter from me until the matter ended or ended in silence.. You were dying and I was the one who gave you the premature end.. Your laugh did it and I ran out.. Why didn’t you tell me, my love? ..Why did you let me put an end to us? Why did it all end? Today they will take me to be executed. My last request before I met you was to write to you. To ask you for forgiveness that I do not deserve. Today I will return to you. Will you accept me? I will not know the answer to these things now... perhaps after hours... perhaps after I leave this world hanging from the gallows... those things no longer matter now... because in a short while I will return to you... after hours I will become yours... and you will become mine... Dr. Tamer Ibrahim From the book 7 Faces of Love